For Mama - A Tribute On Her 61st Birthday

"Mama, I miss the days when you were here beside me...Mama..."

It's been almost 12 years since Mama joined our creator in heaven. Too bad she was not able to enjoy the good life with us after all the obstacles came to our family when she was still alive. She was not able to see us finish our degrees, and was not able to see her grandchildren. But wherever she is right now, I'm sure she is happily watching over at us.

Mama at her early 20's.

I take pride of saying that Mama came from a poor family, with 8 siblings to take care of since she was the eldest when her mother died at an early age. But that made her a woman of self-reliance, a woman of faith, a woman of perseverance, a strong woman who was able to face different challenges in her life, and a woman with such a very kind heart who always thought of others beyond herself.

Today marks her 61st birthday. I remember her last birthday before she died, we celebrated it at the hospital. We tried our best to give her a simple but memorable birthday. We invited some friends and mostly were from our former hometown, Nonoc Island. We bought her a birthday cake and few balloons. That was her first birthday cake ever, because she was not used to have a cake on her birthday, instead she always prepared her favorite Filipino foods such as biko, budbud, puto, or pansit. And one thing I also remember is, Mama and Mayoline's mother have the same birthdays. They were both once serenaded with their religious group co-members when we were still at the Alta Vista Village. Ahhh! I really miss the simple life we once have in Nonoc particularly in Alta Vista Village Phase 4.

Mama was such a great housewife, she was my Papa's backbone. She maybe not so sweet to her children when it comes to expressing her love, but her actions showed too much love and care. She did everything for her family to survive in those times of difficulties. She did all what it takes to be a mother and a wife even when she was already suffering from a killer disease, the incurable cancer.

Me, Mama, and my youngest brother JR
 taken when I was in college.

I remember when I was in college and we lived at a small house that was an hour drive away from the city where I studied. I was not responsible enough to wake up early and prepare my foods before going to school, and so she scolded me. The next few days I tried to wake up as early as I could to prepare foods, but then she couldn't resist of seeing me struggling when I had so many projects to catch up before the deadlines and still have to study for my exams, so she still woke up early like the way she used to be and helped me prepare for my food as well as for my siblings and for Papa.

Mama cooked delicious healthy foods even at her simplest way of cooking. My favorite was her humba. I was never fond of eating vegetables at my younger years, but she tried to convince me as well as my siblings to eat vegetables everyday. When opportunity allowed us to eat delicious expensive foods, she was always the last one to eat even when her share was just a spoonful size.

She loved washing the clothes...that was her cup-of-tea. But during weekends when I have no classes, I always volunteered to do the laundry so she can spend her time with her other favorite past time activities such as sewing torn clothes or watching her favorite noon time show.

Mama didn't complete her studies but she was a smart woman. She was the one who made me completely understood the Mathematical solutions of simple subtractions and divisions during my elementary years. At times when there was no power supply at Nonoc Island we simply used kerosene lamp at night and she would untiringly coach me with my Math assignment.

I was always excited of going home from school because Mama and I were fond of chismis. LOL! She used to tell me about what was happening in the neighborhood, updated me about Filipino actors and actresses, or what's the latest show on local TV. We both loved to watch beauty contest specially Miss Universe or Bb Pilipinas, which were always aired late at night, and she would always fall asleep and have to ask me later who won the crown.

I was at the age of 20 when Mama was diagnosed with cancer. Before we knew she had a cancer, Mama had to keep her pains for quite some time because she didn't want us to worry until we knew it that she was seriously suffering from a mystifying pain and have to be checked. I knew it from Mama’s closed friend, Auntie Adel that she was having an intense pain from her back and wished she would have died soon rather than spending money for her medication. My heart was crushed upon knowing it. It was then I found out one night, I heard her softly crying at the corner of our tiny living room where she laid for the night. I jolted out from my bed and almost stumbled on the floor rushing towards her wondering what she went through. It was then she told me that she had pains that she could not understand how to relieve it. After a series of laboratory tests, it was already too late to be treated medically and Mama had to be operated.

Mama and Papa during their advance
silver wedding anniversary when Mama had to undergo
religious treatment for her cancer.

Mama was suffering from cancer for at least a year. She was able to survive after the major operation and somehow tried to live a normal life despite of her situation, one of her organs was removed. Then one day she became ill again and we have to rush her to the hospital. The last time she was hospitalized, the doctor was kind enough to break the sad news to our family that Mama would not live any longer because the cancer was already complicated to her other internal organs. It was the worst day of our lives and I felt like heaven and earth devoured me from where I was standing.

Mama wanted to know the truth no matter how bad it was. My sister was the strongest amongst us and as gentle and compassionate as she could, she told Mama the sad truth. Mama was brave enough to accept the truth, she knew it then where she was heading to. We have to send her back home from the hospital since the doctor could not do anything but give her pain relievers, and waited till a miracle would happen.

At San Fernando Church before Mama's burial.

I was at Mama’s side during her last few days until her last breath. I was supposed to have my summer class but I did not take it just to be able to nurse her while my father and my sister were working hard to support our financial needs, and as we hoped for a miracle to happen. I painstakingly watched her from day to day until one day she refused to eat her breakfast. I cried because I knew she would grow weaker if she won't take any supplement for her body. But she strongly refused to eat. And just a few hours after my father arrived from a night shift work, she succumbed after a year of suffering from such a terminal disease.

Today, as I remember her birthday, I terribly miss her so much and wishing that she was here with me especially at this time when I badly needed her for my first pregnancy. I must be old enough to tackle this responsibility but it could have been better if Mama was here and guide me and gives light to our home.